Every night has been different at our Renewal Meetings. There is always something unique the Lord pinpoints corporately and personally. This past weekend was no different. I wanted to “feel” the wine of the Spirit through joy and laughter, but the Lord had different plans.
I arrived weary, but willing to receive whatever the Lord had for me as I waited on Him. Billy had a gal give her testimony, which she had also given the past two nights, and gave an altar call for those who wanted to receive a deeper revelation of the love of God and get delivered from self-hatred. I was immediately flooded with a barrage of thoughts, including ones filled with confusion, shame, and doubt. “Haven’t I already responded to this call before? What will people think if I go up for prayer again? Am I already healed/delivered and the Enemy is trying to trick me into thinking I’m not? Well, I should be healed, after all I’ve been pursuing healing/deliverance for so long and I’ve been in the prayer movement for all this time! I thought I was healed, but maybe my former experiences weren’t authentic; I’m a fake.”
In the midst of this I somehow managed to stand up for prayer, knowing that I needed prayer for something, since I was experiencing so much warfare over it. During those moments of prayer, the Lord said to me “just keep coming,” and reminded me of the story in John 5 of the man who was healed at the Pool of Bethesda. This man had to keep going up to the waters time after time, even in the face of others receiving their healing first. Yet, in faith he continued each time to approach the waters, believing he would be healed. He had his infirmity for 38 years. There is no telling how long he’d been at the Pool, but one thing is for sure, he had to wait for his healing. After years of pushing away anger and offense, his faith remained and he received his healing, both physical and emotional!
Healing and deliverance is a process, a journey. It is like an onion with many layers. As I later reflected on what happened during that ministry time, the Lord showed me He was exposing “religious pride,” not the original call for ministry. As a result of continuing to answer the altar calls regardless of whether or not I think I’ve already been healed or what others may think, I am growing closer to the Lord, which is the primary goal anyway.
If you believed for healing and it has not happened, or even if it has, “just keep coming.” The Lord said that He has opened a fountain over this House. It is true, and as you keep coming in faith, He will continue to meet you even in ways you did not expect or imagine, but in every way drawing us closer to Himself.
