a heart that yearns for...

Yesterday in our prayer meeting I had such a beautiful time with the Lord. For the first time in a long time my heart was actually connected with the Lords heart. I worshipped Him as if it was only me and Him in the room and i interceded on behalf of His lost sheep. He saw me and i saw him i felt our hearts beating as one...oh greater glory come...

My heart yearns for His Glory and that it may come down and engulf His lost and even His sheep that know His voice. What will happen when this thick cloud of glory falls and takes over all that we are??? An awakening of love. The lost being called back to the Father... Identity and all types of healings.

Lord may your Glory descend upon us...

The Lord is so desperate for us. He wants to pour out every inch of who He is on us. As well as show us His love. As He imparts supernaturally the same love that He has for His Son in us- we become transformed! To love the Father the way the Father loves the Righteous Son, is his desire.. so amazing...

I can imagine it and its not far off.

He wants to show us his love. He wants to give us His love. He wants us to know that we are Always on His mind....O fill me, fill us with the knowledge of your love Lord and Glory...

Friends...

I love my friends...I received a call late last night from one of my oldest and dearest friends in the whole wide world and she looked over my recent few blog posts and she became worried hence the call. Thanks for caring Fadela, but i am OK!!!

Its good to have people who care in your life...thank you Lord!

{New Phase} Identity:: Song of Songs

i am excited to say that i have ended a phase and im beginning a new one....(i am swiftly moving)...i will briefly give a description of the phases i have been on and have accomplished by the grace of the Lord along with the one i am embarking on...

Phase 1. Crossing Bridges

this phase was basically me taking that first step into new territory even with no clue of what to expect or what i would encounter along the way. Here is where faith was activated and obedience was strengthened (day by day its being strengthened-my prayer). This was the hardest part, but the rewards that i have gained made it all worth it.

Phase 2. The Uncovering

this was the phase where the Light of God shined on all dark places in my life and removed them so that i could see 1. who God really is 2. the love of God 3. How he looks and sees me. This phase was a beautiful phase because he encountered me and i met him for the very first time! its crazy i know because i have been saved for quite a few years 10 being exact, but the Lord couldn't of introduced himself to me at a more perfect time so i am so grateful. This phase was not only him revealing his true nature but purging all my crap to the service so that he could deal with them. I will admit he is not finished, so i believe he will continue to work, purge, destroy and restore in this next phase on this journey in my life.

Phase 3. Identity - Song of Songs...

This is the phase where he outpours and reveals my identity as his bride and daughter all wrapped in the arms of love. in this phase there are many different processes that i will be going through, but i want it. I want to know my worth in the love of God. I know there will be more encounters, secrets shared between me and God, me chasing after him and him calling me to him, my heart being awakened, more purging and so much more things that i will blog about as they happen.

I am his beloved and he is mine...so here goes to this next part of this journey where identity is imparted and sealed all in the blood of the Lamb...

whooooo hooooooo!!!!!!!

Decisions...

i have no idea what to do! I am contemplating on cutting my hair real short but if i cut my hair i should just go natural (cutting off all relaxed hair). Idk what to do - i am scared to see what my natural hair looks like...

what to do? what to do?

after taking a general poll from friends i have decided to just keep my hair short!

so will post pics this week on the new cut...

.:::take it all:::.

i wrote a song on April 21, 2008 - for the same reason of what i am going through now (will it ever end?!?). although this song has deeper meaning to me now because by relinquishing all of me he can impart his desire and bring me to a place of peace and rest in his presence.

"take it all"

i give you my wants and all my desires

if it means i can dwell in your presence

all of my hopes and all of my dreams

cares and needs

it yours...

you can have it all

if it means i can dwell in your presence forever

i will lay all of me before you

you can have it all

i give you my heart and all it holds close

if it means i can dwell in your presence

i've counted the costs, i count it all lost

all i want

is you...

you can have it all

if it means i can dwell in your presence forever

i will lay all of me before you

you can have it all

take it all

i dont want it anymore

take it all

i just want to be with you

in your presence

{Find Rest}

inhale. exhale. rest.

i had an eye awakening experience yesterday while talking to a friend. i realized that i dont trust the Lord to take care of my heart. the lord knows the best way - he knows me inside and out. he knows how many hairs i have on my head. he knows my hearts desires and the struggles that i have. he knows me.

i almost feel numb - wanting him to overtake me with his presence. i want to feel him. i want him to touch me so that i know he has everything taken care of. i feel quite weird saying that i need to be reassured. i want to see what is over this mountain. i want to see my heart be free from all types of bondages. i want to find rest in him as he deals with my heart. take my heart.

it is so funny because holding onto this desire is so stressful, tiring and too much for me to carry. so i ask myself why wont i just give it to him so that he can do what he wants to do with it. he is a God who can do anything. i just want him to heal my heart fully. i dont want to have to worry or stress about anything especially my hearts desire. o how i desire his heart and what he desires for me. his plan and will for my life is so much greater than i could ever imagine. i just want to let go of it all and have the greatest faith and hope that he has it all worked out - even if its not what i thought i wanted.

teach me how to trust. teach me how to lean. teach me how to sing when i am broken. teach me how to just rest in you. find rest.

the trust factor - letting go

trust

 

1.

reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.

2.

confident expectation of something; hope.

3.

a person on whom or thing on which one relies: God is my trust.

I know what it is that i lack. I lack trust. I have been holding onto something so dear to my heart and i dont know how to let it go in order for the Lord to come in and move. I fear that if i give the Lord everything than he is going to set me up and i will end up getting hurt by my expectations because he cant meet them. I know that this is not the character of my God. He loves to give us gifts. good gifts. But i have this boulder in the way and its hindering me from giving him everything, even my expectations, so that he can be God. I fear that by giving him this part of my heart and the desire that i hold onto so close will not go the way i want it to go. I have to remember that the Lord knows me best and he knows what is good for me- Its a hard truth to swallow and believe... Help me let go Lord, because i dont know how to let go. I've been holding onto it for so long...how do i finally let it go? please show me. I want everything that you have for me and that you desire for me, i know that i am slowing down this process of being completely set free, and yet your so patient with me. i give you my desires, my heart, my fears, my insecurities, and even my expectations. in jesus name. amen

in desperation,

K.

Patience...

I know my God hasn't overlooked me...

I know its just a matter of time...

a matter of time...my healing will come!

I still believe and have faith..

My Father longs to give me the desires of my heart...

Lord come! Lord come and work from the inside out...

More!!!!!!

Prayer Works...

first i just want to start by saying that prayer works and the Lord is faithful to His word and promises...

yesterday evening a dear friend called me and opened up to me about some personal things that were hindering them from their heart being opened which enabled the love of the Lord to overtake them. As they talked, i listened-holding onto every word. my heart hurt for them, but joy came over me because while they were confessing this hidden poison the Lord was already working...Hallelujah!!! I prayed for them and the Holy Spirit took over and his tangible presence manifested all over me...(still cant get enough)! We got off the phone- i continued to praying for them while i took a shower, getting dressed, on my way to church, in church, and when they showed up i continued to pray while laying hands on them...all for a healing!

Healing has already begun...Bless the Lord!!!!

Prayer works and the Holy Spirit wants to heal so dont stop praying for he delights in healing his children...

Beautiful Mercy

and he's brought me to the wilderness

where i will learn to sing

and he lets me know my bareness

so i will learn to lean

so kind

beautiful mercy, do what you have to do

jealous lover, do what you have to do

you know the best way

I will sing

even in this brokeness

even in this loneliness....

~Laura Hackett

Beauty Realm of God...

The Lord is awesome and He is greatly to be praised!

The Lord is revealing to me the beauty of who He is and in turn He is pouring out all of His beauty over me. His mercy, grace, love and beauty all poured out. I am so excited about learning about His throne and beauty of it. My mind cannot comprehend what i'm learning in Revelations, but my soul longs to be before His splendor along with the 24 Elders on my face giving Him praise!

The Lord wants to unveil His beauty and so i am here with my hands lifted up high along with my heart saying, "Yes Lord" and believing that is he is glad and eager to show me and to reveal His splendor... I will be chronicling everything that i learn here about the beauty realm of God...and i pray that it will be a blessing to all who stumble on this....

For more information and teachings on the Beauty Realm of God go to www.mikebickle.org

Excited and Blessings...

k.

Man o Man::Exhale

I am having one of those days where the more information you find out it just makes you almost want to give up...i keep thinking i cant compete with that...

Man o Man... I cant stop laughing at how ridiculous my situation is...its hilarious...I know i am being very very vague right now...but for good reason.If i was to speak on what i just found out the majority of the world would probably laugh at me...im laughing at me.

Man o Man...I want to just take the deepest breath and blow out all of the air...all the stress... all the uncertainties...all the hopes and dreams and just rest....

i want to just be confident in the Lords love, mercy, grace and beauty...

Man o Man...If i could just exhale all my cares into a balloon and let it go into the endless sky...i would...matter of fact...

i will

.:::Happy Birthday:::.

I just celebrated my birthday on Wednesday, March 10 and it was the best birthday ever!!! I spent it with family and friends who made me feel so special. I am looking forward to doing great things in this 27th year of my life. I plan on growing in all areas of my life...

Life is Good. Love is Great. Laugh Always.

its official...

I am officially a member of ihop (International House of Prayer) and i'm loving it!!!

Faith...

This blog encouraged me below...may it encourage others to continue having FAITH...

KEEP COMING TO THE WATERS

Liz Robertson

March 1st, 2010

Every night has been different at our Renewal Meetings. There is always something unique the Lord pinpoints corporately and personally. This past weekend was no different. I wanted to “feel” the wine of the Spirit through joy and laughter, but the Lord had different plans.

I arrived weary, but willing to receive whatever the Lord had for me as I waited on Him. Billy had a gal give her testimony, which she had also given the past two nights, and gave an altar call for those who wanted to receive a deeper revelation of the love of God and get delivered from self-hatred. I was immediately flooded with a barrage of thoughts, including ones filled with confusion, shame, and doubt. “Haven’t I already responded to this call before? What will people think if I go up for prayer again? Am I already healed/delivered and the Enemy is trying to trick me into thinking I’m not? Well, I should be healed, after all I’ve been pursuing healing/deliverance for so long and I’ve been in the prayer movement for all this time! I thought I was healed, but maybe my former experiences weren’t authentic; I’m a fake.”

In the midst of this I somehow managed to stand up for prayer, knowing that I needed prayer for something, since I was experiencing so much warfare over it. During those moments of prayer, the Lord said to me “just keep coming,” and reminded me of the story in John 5 of the man who was healed at the Pool of Bethesda. This man had to keep going up to the waters time after time, even in the face of others receiving their healing first. Yet, in faith he continued each time to approach the waters, believing he would be healed. He had his infirmity for 38 years. There is no telling how long he’d been at the Pool, but one thing is for sure, he had to wait for his healing. After years of pushing away anger and offense, his faith remained and he received his healing, both physical and emotional!

Healing and deliverance is a process, a journey. It is like an onion with many layers. As I later reflected on what happened during that ministry time, the Lord showed me He was exposing “religious pride,” not the original call for ministry. As a result of continuing to answer the altar calls regardless of whether or not I think I’ve already been healed or what others may think, I am growing closer to the Lord, which is the primary goal anyway.

If you believed for healing and it has not happened, or even if it has, “just keep coming.” The Lord said that He has opened a fountain over this House. It is true, and as you keep coming in faith, He will continue to meet you even in ways you did not expect or imagine, but in every way drawing us closer to Himself.

{healing come...please}

the lord is jealous for me and he is provoking jealousy in me. a good friend of mine received healing for his heart-mended and strong it is now...

i want my healing too..i need to be healed too...what about me? I want no recognition of my past, Lord is it possible? let it be sooooo....

if this is your way lord to get me to go after you more...than okay...

YES lord...here i am...this heart is yours...do what you will with it...P L E A S E...i cant take this pain anymore...and you're the only one who has the power to heal...only you!!!

i am praising the Lord in advance for the healing...

Seek...

"Seek the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near. ~ Is. 55v6

There has been a great move of God and the Spirit has showed up in our midst doing the miraculous. Eyes being healed, bones being put back in place, tumors disappearing--miracles. He is restoring the broken hearted, emptying his joy into an empty vessel, unveiling true beauty to his daughters--healing. He is doing just what he did in the new testament--using us as his instruments.

The Lord's presence is truly in our midst--but i must confess.

I have not sought after the Lord...

The Lord has touched me greatly and i have never ever experienced the Love, Joy and his Presence the way i have been in this past month. He has broken chains, continually giving me identity, and showing me and giving me his love--i receive it Lord. All of it. In the late night hour i can sense the Lord beckoning me to come...but i don't go. I awoke one morning to a loud audible voice calling my name, but i didn't go--I'm beginning to feel like Samuel...

For goodness sake's Kiana...The Lord is here and wants a personal intimate relationship with you!!!!!!!

I am not sure why i have not gone after the one i love. Right now in this moment in time the Lord is tangible. He is revealing himself and unveiling the Kiana that he created before the foundation of the earth...I am being peeled like an onion--one layer at a time...and the mandate to seek the Lord is right in front of my face--seek. I know there is something that he wants to show me and i think that i may be holding up the process--scared?Maybe. Why? Not sure.

Renewal Service is tonight and i am not sure what to expect...maybe i will find a corner and just seek him...Lord whatever you want...whatever it takes...Yes Lord...More!!!!! (my heart speaks)

To all who happen to stumble across this particular entry--Seek the Lord your God, because he is here!!!!! And he wants to turn your mourning into gladness, give you comfort and joy instead of sorrow, and fill you with his bounty. I truly believe in this season it wont take much. Just a willing heart, and a desire for more of him. He is right here waiting for us to take that initial step...and before our foot meets the floor he has already shown up...! He is sooooo Good!!!

Let's Seek Him,

K.

Purging

to purge

   [purj] Show IPA verb,purged, purg·ing, noun

–verb (used with object)

1.

to rid of whatever is impure or undesirable; cleanse; purify.

The benefits of being touched by the ever living God is what follows - the purging. After spending hours in the weight of his glory all the impurities tend to come to the surface, so it leaves no room for neglect...i must deal with it. Its not pleasant, but necessary.

I woke up this morning to my name being called and as the morning progressed i started to feel down and melancholy, not the same happy go lucky attitude that i have been feeling in the past few weeks. Its time - its time to deal with the inner me. Its time to be purged of all the things that are not good for the temple of God: this body. Did i say that this is painful?

Whatever it takes, Lord! Whatever it takes!

This may not be an overnight healing, but i am in for the long haul. I want to be made clean and pure before the living God - weeping comes at night, but joy in the morning!

happy purging...

K.

{Love-Scarred Hands}

Happy Valentine's Day!

You hold my heart in your Lovescarred hands

You loved me from the beginning

unchanged is your mind

as you take me by my hand

i see the scars

resting in my hand

speechless as i stare

"for you", he says.

"why?", i respond.

"do you really not know?" he replied.

he smiles

i smile

"may i have your heart?" he whispers.

"its dark, are you sure?" i whisper back.

"You're lovely, your heart's lovely and i want every part of it"

i smile

he smiles

we walk, hand in hand

his scars, my pain

a heart

my heart

mended by

lovescared hands

{PHASE II} THE UNCOVERING

i have finally reached phase two of this journey and i am EXCITED to say the least...

PHASE ONE- was me jumping out of the boat like Peter, and stepping out on FAITH! it wasn't easy, in fact, it was one of the hardest things i have ever done. After jumping out into new territory it was even more trying, scary, lonely and dark...but where i am right now, today: emotionally, physically, mentally and most importantly spiritually - i would do it over again a thousand times.

I call this phase on my journey across the bridge the UNCOVERING because slowly the Lord is revealing himself, and in the midst of me learning him, I am learning me all over again. In this place of uncovering, the Lord is shooting bolts of joy into my heart and is giving me not only strength, but desire to free fall into his love! I smile as i write this because i have never experienced this before...its so new. so refreshing. so breathtaking. i fear that i don't have the words to do justice to what the Lord is doing in my life.

He is revealing his love. His powerful unfailing love. at one point in my life i could say that it amazed me how people failed to realize that the Lord truly loves them...but its possible because i was one of those people! Its even possible to have a false image or depiction of who the Lord is...and thats scary and again possible, because i was one of those people! God isn't angry or anything negative that people think of him to be! In fact he is joyful and he loves his creation...I AM HIS CREATION therefore, he loves me with all he is- and that's infinite!

Can you imagine an infinite God loving his creation the way he does? it blows my mind- i don't think i will ever comprehend, but if anyone has doubts that he doesn't love you...then i beseech you to think otherwise...because he does! He really really does you...forever!!

This journey isn't near to being finished...its a life long pursuit that i am on! A love story with a happily ever after! I am realizing that as the days, months go by, my writings and thoughts may become gloomy and distant because of the many trials that will come to perfect my faith, so for now in this exciting beginning stage of finding love and love finding me...i am going to pour out this joy as often as i can so when those gloomy days come i can turn to these pages and read of LOVE and be encouraged.

So here's to the uncovering...Lord uncover yourself! Uncover me!

happy journey,

K.

{What Do I Know of Holy?}

Heard this song today and it just spoke volumes to me--Below are the lyrics and its on my playlist as well if you want to hear it!

{what do i know of holy?}

I made You promises a thousand times

I tried to hear from Heaven

But I talked the whole time

I think I made You too small

I never feared You at all No

If You touched my face would I know You?

Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

What do I know of You

Who spoke me into motion?

Where have I even stood

But the shore along Your ocean?

Are You fire? Are You fury?

Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?

What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out

I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about

How You were mighty to save

Those were only empty words on a page

Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be

The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?

And a God who gave life "its" name?

What do I know of Holy?

Of the One who the angels praise?

All creation knows Your name

On earth and heaven above

What do I know of this love?

What do I know of You

Who spoke me into motion?

Where have I even stood

But the shore along Your ocean?

Are You fire? Are You fury?

Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?

What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?

by addison road

amazing lyrics...

More Lord!!!

K.

Snow Day

It snowed in Georgia last night!

The roads are icy and every ten minutes you hear of a 10 plus car pileup...but it doesn't take away the beauty from the glistening snow.

I had to take a few pics...because how often does it snow in Atlanta?!?

happy snow day!

k.

{recap}

it has a been a long while since i last blogged, so here is a recap of the last few months...

THE DARK AGES:

I left a ministry that I was involved in for 3 years, was lost and forgot the love of christ, went into a depression, I was lonely, and forgot my self worth...

THE ENLIGHTENMENT AGE:

since the dark ages, I now am apart of a ministry called ihop (International House of Prayer). Its a missionary base and outreach ministry that prays 24/7...the doors never close and is open to all.

I am learning that God loves me...regardless of what i do! He loves me! Jesus is the bridegroom and i am preparing myself for him.

I am back in school and loving it! I never thought i would ever say that, but i do, i love school! I have an awesome family and support system that never ceases to amaze me.

I am just so excited of what the Lord is doing with me and my heart is growing with the joy of the Lord. how awesome is that????

happy journey,

k.