i had an eye awakening experience yesterday while talking to a friend. i realized that i dont trust the Lord to take care of my heart. the lord knows the best way - he knows me inside and out. he knows how many hairs i have on my head. he knows my hearts desires and the struggles that i have. he knows me.
i almost feel numb - wanting him to overtake me with his presence. i want to feel him. i want him to touch me so that i know he has everything taken care of. i feel quite weird saying that i need to be reassured. i want to see what is over this mountain. i want to see my heart be free from all types of bondages. i want to find rest in him as he deals with my heart. take my heart.
it is so funny because holding onto this desire is so stressful, tiring and too much for me to carry. so i ask myself why wont i just give it to him so that he can do what he wants to do with it. he is a God who can do anything. i just want him to heal my heart fully. i dont want to have to worry or stress about anything especially my hearts desire. o how i desire his heart and what he desires for me. his plan and will for my life is so much greater than i could ever imagine. i just want to let go of it all and have the greatest faith and hope that he has it all worked out - even if its not what i thought i wanted.
teach me how to trust. teach me how to lean. teach me how to sing when i am broken. teach me how to just rest in you. find rest.
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